Variety is the spice of life. For many years, this seemingly innocuous idiom had been accepted as a maxim for men – often listed amongst the explanations, justifications or excuses for the penchant of some men to have double or multiple sex partners.
This article is to open your mind to the fact that contrary to the age-long assumption that the quest for variety is peculiar to men; variety actually spices the woman’s life.
According to Google, the meaning of variety is – “new and exciting experiences which makes life interesting”.
Several interpretations of the idiom are below:
The idioms.thefreedictionary.com – “you should try many different kinds of experiences, because trying different things keeps life interesting”.
The interpretation from Cambridge idioms dictionary 2nd edition ” life is more interesting when it changes often and you have many different experiences”.
America Heritage dictionary of idioms -“Diversity makes life interesting”
Please notice the reference to “new” and “different”; because therein lies the whole crux of the matter. In this century it is obvious that the average Girl, Lady, Wife, Sister, Mother, Grandma, is a lover of things that are “new” and “different”.
Take Nigeria as a good example, in the past 50years our women have run through uncountable hairstyles. From Afro, low cut, natural, fixing, Peruvian hair, Brazilian hair, lace wigs and braiding… The list is endless and yet the trends keep evolving. Same goes for our traditional clothes. We have gone through, French lace, swiss lace, guinea material, chord lace, George, Ankara, Kente, Damask, etc
Women generally love new things! Ladies are ever ready to purchase the new fashion pieces, designer bags, shoes, costume and other jewelries, jeans, head bands, etc. Even the imported second hand clothes market popularly called “tokunbo” “akube” have variety of grades to cater for all female customers.
Women are the first to check out the new fast food outlets, Restaurants, Shopping malls, Markets, new juices, new drinks, new perfumes, new health fads, new diets, etc. And the list is endless. Chances are that for every boxer and vest a man buys, his woman has probably bought a dozen matching new lingerie. So also, for every haircut a young guy on campus gets monthly, his bae has would have changed her hairstyle twice.
We therefore find it amazing that when it comes to relationship or sex issues it suddenly seems as if men have the monopoly for variety. Think about it for a second – if as a woman I love changing my hair, my nails, my outfits, my bags, my jewelry, my fragrance, my watches, and even my skin colour! what then makes you think I am satisfied with having the same partner? same routine? same styles? same locations? even the same size?? For so many years??
I refer to size because according to WebMD – an online site for medical tips – the penis stops growing when a man reaches puberty, which means the full size is attained by the time he is 18years. Therefore, if the size is short, medium, large, small, extra long or extra large when I meet you there is absolutely no chance of changing it – except in cases of surgery.
How can anyone assume that variety is the spice of only the man’s life?? How can men not know that a woman’s life is also spiced up by variety in sex? If I love sampling good food, good wine and good music, why then will I not want to sample another variety of a man? It is glaring that women have always loved change – right from the foundation of the earth.
According to the story of the Garden of Eden, the main reason why Eve agreed to try out the forbidden fruit was because she was told that the fruit would change her and invariably make her different from the way she was.
Therefore, is it not presumptuous to assume that the female specie – known for their love of new and pleasant changes will suddenly switch off the change button or become a different person when it relates to sex? The truth is that whilst religion and culture make it very difficult for majority of women to express or pursue their desire for a different variety of sex – it does not stop us from thinking or fantasizing about it. Neither does it stop women from discussing about it.
Just in case you are wondering, Yes! Women do talk about sex among themselves. We compare notes about sizes, we talk about shapes, we talk happily about how long he lasted, and complain bitterly about how quickly he ends it…
I think the societal assumption about variety in sex is a subtle and stereotyped mental discrimination (a situation where it is assumed that you are incapable of certain thoughts or you cannot think in certain direction – just because of your gender) .
However, from my daily interaction with women i realized that the above societal assumption has been indirectly helpful. Since our Men erroneously assume the craving for variety is restricted to them; it gives them a false sense of security in relation to their women, as the average man confidently assumes that his female partner is satisfied by only his own sexual ministrations.
Meanwhile, plenty of women – who are fully aware of men’s erroneous assumption – continue to discretely experiment variety while maintaining the façade of ignorance.
Dear Hubby, Boo, Boyfriend, Loverboy, Fiancé, do not assume anything about your partners sexual satisfaction. Are you sure she is satisfied? Are you sure she would not want to try another variety if she had the opportunity? If your partner is able to taste another variety are you sure she would still look forward to what you have to offer her?
Dear Sir, my advice to you is that you should take time to discuss with your partner, and carefully listen to the feedback – study her body language too in case she is unable to verbally express how she feels.
The next time you are tempted to advance the need for variety as your excuse for double-dating or having multiple sex partners, always remember that women love variety even more than men – and what goes round, sometimes comes round.
Finally, if your women chooses to ignore all other available varieties and remains committed to one partner it is because she has made a personal decision about it, and you should appreciate her for it. On the other hand, if a woman decides to experiment with another variety, and you find out.
Don’t be hasty to judge her. Please show some understanding, as she might just be trying to spice up her life with variety.