Romance & Relationships

Shit Nigerian Girls Say

If you’re an Internet junkie like me, you’ll probably have seen or heard about what’s pretty much become this year’s first viral video online. Shit Girls Say. Click the link to check out the video and the hundreds of spinoffs it has inspired. The first time I saw the video, I instantly thought of a Nigerian angle but I almost promised myself not to go through with it (thank God I didn’t) well, just cause I didn’t want an onslaught so early into the year but after mulling over it and also taking some recent events in my life into consideration, I thought wtf… let’s do this.

So, here’s my list of Shit Nigerian Girls Say.

All men cheat.

This is classic. Regulars here probably know my views on it so I won’t dwell on it too much but how many times have you gotten into a relationship themed conversation with women and it someway somehow leads to this statement? Yeah, like I said, classic.

You’ve changed.

If you’re not cheating or gay, and they can’t place any other thing on you, this is always a good one. It has variants too… “You’re just somehow”… “There’s just something different about you”… What is different? “Err… I just can’t place my fingers on it… but I sha know you’ve changed”. (-______-)

Ahn ahn now, I didn’t fashi you jor.

To the guys reading… we’ve all been there even celebs get this one. You know when you move from main squeeze to side guy aka backup plan? This statement always goes before the common: “I changed my phone and lost my contacts” … Really? It’s fine, I’m a man, I can take the truth you know.

These shoes are killing me… who sent me?

Yes. WHO SENT YOU? Not me. And certainly not any of the other guys reading. No one ever said looking pretty/hawt/Beyonce or whatever synonym you choose to use, is easy. Like you don’t see guys bitching about how uncomfortable their gonads get when wearing those skinny things y’all make them wear in the name of looking metro-sexy (ok that was total BS but you get my point). Point is, we know. It probably hurts, but it did its job, you caught me so stop complaining.

Oh, I like your hair, where did you make it?

It’s funny how women always say it’s so easy for us guys to bond; all we have to do is start talking about football right? Well, dunno about y’all but I’ve seen women become best friends by hooking each other with hairdressers and nail people and even digits of those women that do things my fingers can’t type in Yaba and Alhaja’s store…

Bras are from hell.

Another classic. Just wondering if women aren’t over due for some sort of global summit, you know, like the ones the ho’s have yearly, where they can all maybe just agree to ‘discontinue’ the use of bras? That would help people like aunty NOI loosen us a bit. *athink*..

I have giiiiiiiiist …… it’s a liiieeeeeeeeee!!!!

Actually, the second one should be “IZ A LIE!!!” and I’m very scared of the first one. When those three words are put together like that, it sure can lead to a whole lot of trouble.

BBM Status: I want icecream/cake/pizza/bbq chicken/Idris Elba.

You know what? I also want a daily *ahem* job from Sofia Vergara but you don’t see me putting that up as my status do you? But then again, I don’t expect this to change since words like mugu/maga etc still exist.

Does my ass look bigger in these jeans?

No. No. No. Yes, I know I said yes but I’m saying no now even though I know I’ll still say yes later but you get the frigging point. No matter how long you stand in front of the mirror or talk about your breast and ass, they still won’t get bigger if you don’t actually do something about them so stuff fussing or asking us if they’re bigger. You know we’ll just keep saying yes. (Wait, maybe that’s the point afterall… oh well)

I’m starting my diet tomorrow/Who knows a good gym around…..?

We all procrastinate. I mean, ask the guy beside you about that HIV test he’s been planning to take for three years now. Yes, we all do it but I’ve learnt to accept my shortcomings and try not to be overly vocal about them.

This movie on Africa Magic Yoruba is so retarded?

Then why in Gods name are you still watching it? Or let’s even say you were curious to see how it ends. Fine. Why then do I catch you saying the exact same thing three days later? It’s a question I’m hoping to get answers to.

I hate football.

This used to really tick me off but nowadays there’s a variant that’s almost worse. You know when she gets in a relationship and starts supporting her ‘boo’s’ team for whatever reason? Well, we all know why you’re doing it so why not say only the safe stuff and not embarrass your yourself and ‘The boo’ by saying stuff like: “Arsenal players are so hawt… especially David Beckam *swoon*”

I need to fix long ‘weave on’ next week

Please correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t weaves just weaves? Why do y’all call it ‘weave-on’? Or is that like some brand of weaves?

Guess who came to my house yesterday? Ah… noooo we didn’t do anything.

Well I always find this one amusing because we men somehow encourage it so I won’t really say much here too. J

So there you go. I know I’ve covered quite a lot but I know there’s still stuff I missed out. To the ladies reading, you know we love y’all regardless :D.  Show us some love by helping out with the list. And I’m sure I don’t need to prompt the female writers, I can already see one of y’all doing a response to this one. Cheers.

PS: Yes, I did generalize on my list, I obviously dont know every Nigerian girl. Thank you.

Also, I think this is my best spinoff video Shit Girls Dont Say.




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