Let’s talk about sex and relationship, as it was two days ago between myself and some friends. We arrived at this conclusion, ‘today’s girls now think the way to a guy’s heart is between their legs’. They seem to think that’s the easiest way of securing their relationship. I’m not saying the above statement is 100% accurate, below is the premise that gave birth to it.
Bibi (not real name) narrates: “I was in love with a girl. The way I felt about her defiled my personal wish or selfishness. If it wasn’t US then there was no me. We were good friends before we began to date and so I knew she wasn’t a virgin. Possessing her heart was of great importance to me than her body, reason I wasn’t disturbed when six months into our relationship we didn’t have sex. There were days that I felt strong urge to but I never forced her or be overly persuasive about it.
We talked about it and she made me understand her reason, celibacy. I was happy to know that she was helping me grow because I hadn’t been with any girl also. I expressed my joy about her stance and said to her, “when we eventually have sex I want it to be worth it. Irrespective of how horny I am do not have sex with me out of pity.”
Another three months passed between which we experience our storming phase, a bit of insecurity clouded our judgments but it was never about SEX. She came over, we talked about it and soon found ourselves on the bed. I was passionate about it until I realised on the third draw that she wasn’t excited about it. She lay there like a plank. I tried some more, perhaps I needed to get her in the mood but nothing changed. I stood up and that was the end of US.” I asked why and he replied, “she wore her dress and drove off the moment I stood up. Later that night while we chatted she confessed that she wasn’t willing but she thought a ‘make-up’ sex could heal our relationship. Our love didn’t matter much.” I said ‘wow!’ too.
Sex isn’t always the answer. If you can’t touch each other’s soul, why touch your bodies? Isn’t sex meant to be felt more than enjoyed?
My ex, I loved her so much. She is very beautiful and that got her many toasters. We fought about different guys every week and made up with make-up sex. It went on like that until I stopped feeling it, I just wanted to do it and be done with it. One day she raged, after another round of the casual, “We don’t even cuddle after sex anymore. What am I to you? A prostitute?” Of course I apologised, we made up again but the story was the same. Our hearts were world apart. I started working on US and stopped having sex. I didn’t realise that was a problem too until I caught her in the insolence act with another. We broke up and yes I blamed her for having to do it with another guy because I was protecting us. It took me a while but I finally realised that it is a shared woe. We had too much sex until we stopped feeling and started enjoying. First we lost the rhythm, then we lost the music.
I want to know what you think.
Is sex key to the survival of a relationship?
Does make-up sex work all the time?
When should you say no to sex in your relationship?
Is pre-marital sex worth it after all?