An EB reader shared her story to serve as a motivation to women/ladies who are still in abusive marriages/relationships. The earlier you report the case or leave such a marriage/relationship, the better for you…
Nine years ago, when I was in the university, I met this guy who was crazy about me. He asked me out for about six months before I finally agreed to date him because back then in the university I was scared of dating after one very serious heartbreak, and like they say, most university relationships always end there. I dated this guy for about a year, after which he proposed and marriage plans started immediately.
During the courtship, sometimes he would tell me that he was broke and needed some money and because of the way he treated me nicely and also assisted me when I was in need, I would give him some money from the profit I make from my business (buying and selling). We decided to rent a two-bedroom apartment since we were already planning our traditional marriage. He paid the rent for two years while I bought most of the furniture, electronics and kitchen wares in the house as a supportive wife-to-be. I was in my third year when we got married, after a few months I got pregnant for my priceless jewel who is 6 years old now.
Four months into the pregnancy, my ex-husband lost his job and became very hostile. He would beat me most times and comes back home drunk, like it was my fault that he lost his job. I thought I would lose my baby, one of the days he pounced on me, I lost consciousness. I had to drop out from the university because I could not cope with the stress at home, my pregnancy and school work at the same time. I managed to stay put until I gave birth. I moved to his parent’s house in Makurdi immediately after I gave birth, to at least get proper care for my baby and also eat good food to be able to breastfeed my child properly. While I was at his parent’s house, he sold everything in the house we rented, I still don’t know how he managed to get the remaining rent money back and then he moved to his parent’s house where I was. That was when he told me about the house and said we would be living in his parent’s house until further notice.
At least, this time around he couldn’t hit me the way he used to when we were living alone. Instead, he became a womanizer. He would cheat with girls who lived close to his parent’s house and even in my presence, he would sometimes bring them to the house when his parents were not around. At night, he would forcefully have sex with me and that was how I got pregnant when my baby was five months old. May God continue to have mercy on me, I had to abort the child because I couldn’t stand the pain of having a second child when I can’t even take care of the one at hand.
His parents saw everything and just talk but no action was done to better the situation. His mother called me one night and advised me to leave the house and go back to my parent’s because she has seen that their son is not ready to change and they cannot keep taking care of me and my baby financially. To cut the long story short, I moved out and went back to my parent’s house, and asked for their forgiveness for keeping quiet all these while after I narrated everything to them. May God continue to bless our parents for their love and support even after we wrong them.
I thank God that the only marriage ceremony we did was the traditional marriage, no court and white wedding. There was no need to go to court to file for divorce or any of the drama surrounding separation.
My ex-husband called my father after two months that he wanted to see my family and beg for forgiveness. My father did not see or hear from him again after that one call. And that was when my father refused to accept him and then I made up my mind to get back on my feet. My father managed to raise some money for me to start a business and that was how I started picking up gradually, I moved to Lagos with my baby, stayed with my uncle before I was able to rent an apartment of my own. I worked very hard and I mean it, I walk into banks, offices, schools to advertise what I sell, it wasn’t an easy journey but it was worth it.
Now I have a boutique, orders are rolling in, I also sell in retail, and wholesale for those who want to resell. I bought a small car and I’m also studying part-time in Unilag at least to have my Bachelor’s degree. My baby is also in school and making mummy proud with his smartness and good grades.
Early this year, I don’t know how he got my phone number or maybe he still has it, he called me after blocking him on Facebook because of his messages. I was sure he saw photos my child and how well we’ve been doing and maybe wants to come back, I have no idea and right now, I don’t care. But whatever the reason, I quickly looked for a lawyer to have my baby’s birth certificate with my father’s name, in the case he would want to come and claim my child after I’d struggled all these years alone to cater for my child. I have a man in my life now, who loves and adores me and my baby. But marriage is on hold now.
I decided to share my story because I read about a lot of stories of women who still live with their husbands despite being abused until it is too late and that’s when they want to leave all in the name of not being single or because of kids or what friends and family would say. There is no life after death, life is for the living. There is a whole lot to life out there, hard work, determination and prayer is very important.