I received this story from an EB reader, Your honest opinion truly counts.
I was faithful to a vow I made some years ago to remain celibate until after marriage. I made this decision after I got pregnant by my boyfriend who was 21 at the time and I was 19. We were both young and it was our first time dating. We started having unprotected sex after a few months into the relationship. I was naïve at the time not knowing the measures to take to avoid pregnancy.
After a few months, I got pregnant. We were not ready to start a family because we were still in our first year at the university. We both decided to remove the pregnancy, at this time, the pregnancy was already more than two months. During the process, the pain I felt was the worst pain I have ever had. I prayed to God to deliver me out of this alive. And after it was done, I made a promise before leaving the hospital that I will remain celibate till after marriage.
Well, I managed to keep to that promise until after I got married which I am regretting now. I met guys along the way who broke up with me after I refused to have sexual intercourse with them. Then I met my husband some years later, who respected my decision and even loved me more for it knowing how difficult it is to abstain from sex, especially when I have experienced it before.
After my wedding night, obviously I couldn’t have sex with my husband because we were so fagged out after the wedding. My husband has always talked about how he prefers oral sex but I didn’t pay so much attention whenever he talks about it. Not knowing he prefers it because he knows he cannot satisfy a woman in bed. My husband’s sexual organ is as small as my pinky finger. We hardly have sex now because, the first day we did it, I did not feel anything at all, and afterwards, it always feel like a waste of time.
I am five years into the marriage and no issue. I am also regretting now because, if I had tested the waters before making this lifetime decision, I would have been able to avoid this. I tell those who wants to listen to make sure they try it even if it’s just once and then they can close their cookie jars afterwards. I know it is wrong but Sex is very very important in marriage. God who invented it knows the reason why he made it so.
Now, I feel like cheating on my husband. I have my sexual desires, I need to feel like a woman but I do not get any of that from my husband. I do not know what to do at this moment. I am a true Christian and a married woman who is lost in her marriage.
What do I do?